Hank McCoy (Before the Fur)

Superhero comics and sexual frustration go together like peanut butter and jelly. Comic book women are hot. Superhot. It gets to me. But who’s the hottest? How do you choose? There are just too many. Personally, I’m quite partial to Carol Danvers these days- she’s assertive, confident and compassionate when other people get hurt. That’s sexy. Of course, Kevin Smith’s depiction of Felicia Hardy (A.K.A. the Black Cat) in Spider-man: The Evil That Men Do makes it perfectly clear who he thinks is the hottest superheroine. Wow. I’m happy to hear Scarlett Johansson is going to play the Black Widow. The Russian accent, that got-it-together doesn’t take shit attitude- she’s like the ultimate Bond girl. And is there a single woman on the X-Men who isn’t hot? Seriously. Psylocke- no woman could look that good in real life. I am probably going to get serious flak for what I’m about to write, but the small cult following who understand me here will understand me here: She-Hulk is hot. Not because she’s got scary, rippling musculature- but because she’s uninhibited, fun, smart, sexually aggressive…all that good stuff. I’ve always had a thing for Susan Richards. I can’t help it. I’m not exactly sure what being attracted to the ultimate supermom implies about my psyche, exactly, but I really don’t care. She’s got the girl-next-door thing going on, I think. Emma Frost is one I struggle with. It isn’t that she isn’t hot- it’s that sometimes she’s almost inhumanely hot. It’s like she’s this perfect caricature of every adolescent comic reader’s wet dreams. Still, the fact that she is scantily clad on the cover of every damn X-comic there is these days suggests that a million fan boys can’t be wrong, right? I was always partial to the Enchantress from Thor. She knows she has it going on and that you’re into her. Literally, because she used Asgardian magic to make you into her. Wonder Woman is the obvious choice. She’s smoking. Everybody knows it, even if they make fun of the outfit. DC has a few other beauties tucked away- Talia Al Ghul kind of does it for me. She’s dangerous, driven and practically genetically bred to perfection…and Birds of Prey is chock full of sexy, smart and passionate women that it’s hard not to fall in love with. And wow, how about the total Power Girl obsession lately? Can’t say I blame anyone though. Personally, I was always partial to Starfire from Teen Titans. They always had this really interesting depiction of her as being blazingly honest and forward about everything- including sex. If Dick Grayson ever complains about anything in his life, ever, than Batman and Superman should smack him really hard. This is by no means a complete list- by all means, anyone else got any thoughts? I may have to sit down for a while and try to calm myself.