Defense with the BoomStick

The end of the world is something that may or may not happen, but if it does its good to be prepared. In a new column debuting today and running Monday afternoons at 3 PM, Defense with the BoomStick by Brandon Pilley (Omnicomic's resident zombie expert) will bring you a short tip to survive should the end of the world include zombies. And since we're dealing with zombies, please be aware that some tips may depict some rather gory scenarios, but last I checked zombies aren't looking to have a delightful cup of tea with you. It’s happened. If you are hearing this radio transmission, then you are one of the lucky ones to have survived the initial dangers and tragedies that befell the rest of mankind. You have endured the beginning of the zombie outbreak that has overturned the world as we know it. To which the now more difficult task lays ahead of you, the simple task of continuing to survive, to strive and to eventually rebuild. My name is Brandon, my location I cannot say, as in this world one must look out for number one; I have enough supplies and a location suitable for my survival. This does not mean there is no hope for you to live in this terrible place, but a means for you to survive in any way possible. To this end I broadcast once a week the tips and strategies I have learned to continue my own existence and also to help others, so that one day when all zombies are destroyed that we may rebuild. For the tip of this week I will discuss the zombie itself, and the truths and false ideas that surround it. To start, a zombie has no memory, no higher brain functions whatsoever; to that point it means anybody you knew in your former life who is a zombie now they are not that person anymore. When the body of an infected person expires and becomes one of the newly undead they do not gain any special powers or enhanced abilities at all. They are the same physical person they were before, however as they decay they grow weaker and do not regenerate torn muscles or broken bones (essentially they never heal), thus making the zombie less effective. Now I say this is an advantage/disadvantage because a zombie can push itself beyond human means, in that they feel no pain so breaking their arms or legs or snapping muscles does not affect them in their search for the living, as a zombie will travel hundreds of miles to find food. It is not known why a zombie craves the bodies of the living as the food it devours does nothing for them but fill their stomach until eventually bursting. To my fellow survivors out there listening do not get disheartened or give up at this news, because as a living, breathing human you have the overall advantage of intelligence on your side. We are faster, stronger, smarter, nimbler, and more agile then all of the zombies and all these skills allow you to escape/elude a zombie wanting you for dinner. When it comes down to it they all must be destroyed if we are to ever feel safe and secure, to this point the only sure way to take one down is a direct hit to the brain, it must be penetrated somehow and destroyed. Whether it is by a bullet, stab through the skull or eye, crushing the entire skull and so on, the brain has to be obliterated for the zombie to be put down for good. I must get off the air now for fear of zombies hearing my generator to run this broadcast. Farewell and until next week my fellow survivors, remember the most important rule: stay alive.